Libertarianism and Doughboys for Breakfast in Belize!

Ahhhh... Belize. I'm feeling a little down today as month one of the job search comes to an end and my impatience starts to mount. It's a bit like being the girl who never gets asked out on a second date. Am I ugly? Does my hair look bad? I doubt that's it. Employers are moving at a glacial pace. Like some boys I know, they are somewhat noncommittal in this uncertain economic environment and let's face it - it's a buyers market. For as good as I might be at my job, there could be 10 other candidates vying for a given position that are just a tiny bit better.

None of this has anything to do with Belize. Just needed to self deprecate for a moment and explain why I'm feeling the need to travel south. Nothing uplifts the spirit more than recalling a great trip. I say that but when I returned from Belize in September I actually cried once or twice from vacation-sickness. I missed my trip. I ached for it.

It's a lovely place and it was am amazing trip. It was the first spare no expense travel experience I have ever had so that might have something to do with it. I should explain that this was my honeymoon. I don't go tossing money around as we head into dire economic straits... unless it's on something really important like a pair of jeans that fits me like they were custom stitched for my body. You can't just go leaving something like that in the store.

Life's a City Filled with Pavement?

Okay, so where do I start? Dana and I aren't the types of people that could spend a week sitting on the beach. I love to read and I love the beach. I can easily waste several hours soaking up those harmful, wrinkle inducing ultraviolet rays and getting lost in a little T.C. Boyle. I have spent every summer of my life on the southern coast of Maine and as a child would swim in the ocean till my skin puckered and my hair became a stringy mess of seaweedy snarls, but I still like a little action on my vacations. Dana is good for about two hours on the beach and then he starts getting restless. He likes throwing the football around, or playing some Frisbee but he's not a sun lover in the way that I am (oh, is my skin falling off?) and he definitely couldn't do more than a few days of exclusively beach chillin.

We always choose somewhat challenging travel destinations. Places where it's hard to get around without knowing the local language or having buckets of cash to hire a driver, or where we're hauling massive amounts of gear on our backs as we switch trains for some terminal amount of time (that will make for a fun post later). So I wanted this trip to be relaxing but I also wanted to see some cool stuff and maybe get a little adventure in as well.

I started looking at locations in Central America because they have a nice mix of inland adventure and Caribbean ocean chillaxabilities. Like that? I made it up. Just now. Pretty good, huh? I contemplated Costa Rica and explored Mexico and Guatemala but eventually decided on Belize.

Mr. Francis Says Have a Nice Stay...

I picked Belize, let's be honest, because of it's relative obscurity and because I fell in love with the sister properties owned by Francis Ford Coppola (or Mr. Francis as the staff lovingly refers to the lodge's patriarch) Blancaneaux and Turtle Inn. Just looking at the photos was enough to sell me. The concept is high end, eco friendly - no TVs, no AC. Although as we lay in bed one night at Turtle Inn sweating profusely, Dana said it best - "we appreciate your concept Frank but a little AC woulda been nice." Blancaneaux has it's own hydroelectric plant that supplies power and organic garden to supply much of its produce which it also ships to Turtle Inn. That made me feel like a good eco warrior and the images on the resort's website were mesmerising.

Guy Getting Coconuts for Cocktails

Anyway, these places are beautiful, the staff falls all over itself to accommodate you and we were there in relative low season which meant we basically had both properties to ourselves... except for a small troop of Eddie Bauer models and photogs at Blancaneaux who were on site shooting a catalog at some of the Mayan ruins. Very annoying.

"Romantic Jaguar Luring Dinner"

Blancaneaux is in the Pine Ridge Forest, pretty deep in the jungle and fairly close to the border with Guatemala. Mr. Francis actually owns another property there, La Lancha which I would like to someday visit when I am good and rich. It's a good three hour drive to the resort from Belize City (the last half hour or so being unpaved and insanely bumpy) but Blancaneaux has top notch guides and drivers so no matter where you're going, you're always learning something about the local culture. These guys know everything about Belize, Mayan civilization, the local ecosystem and wildlife. It was pretty cool. Like being in an episode of Planet Earth. We'd be driving along and they would stop driving and whip out some binoculars to show us a rare bird.

On our trip there after being delayed in Dallas and getting in quite late, the driver stops at one point to show us that the road is moving. There were hundreds of ants crossing the dirt road and carrying pieces of their homes, bits of grass and leaves, on their backs. We were sad when we had to drive over them and cause massive casualties. We kept waiting to see a jaguar because there are tons of them in the jungle but most natives who have lived their entire lives in Belize have never seen one. We even threw some meat out on a rock while we were having a "romantic dinner" alone by a river in hopes of luring one near us, but no dice.

Eat, Drink, Do MadLibs

Blancaneaux is a magical place. There I said it. There's no unicorns or anything but it's amazingly beautiful and we were there during rainy season so periodically we'd get a shower and it was so peaceful and lush. We had a great little cabana with a hammock on the deck and a wonderful Japanese shower and for the first day we were there... we did NOTHING. I don't do a lot of nothing and I'm not particularly good at it but this was blissful.

We ate and drank and read books and did some MadLibs. They only serve Coppola wines which gets to be a bit annoying, especially when they are out of a lot of stuff, but we did have a bottle of Sofia waiting in our room which was lovely and they have the BEST turn down service ever. They literally change all the bedding and light a bunch of candles. The first night it freaked me out. I thought the place was haunted or something. They have a two way intercom in the form of a shell phone which is the only form of communication and it lets you talk to the front desk. They also have great coffee service in the AM so you can leisurely make your way to breakfast but get your caffeine fix first and the coffee comes with this awesome raw sugar cane.

Ummm, Are You Sure It's Not a Doughboy?

We had some excursions planned so on day two we went and had breakfast which is when we learned about FRYJACKS. Wow. I wish I had been a kid in Belize. To get to eat doughboys for breakfast woulda been something special. Every morning we would get this little basket full of wonders. It always contained fry jacks but then there would be a mix of muffins and other assorted baked goods that were beyond delicious. A fry jack is a staple in Belizean culture and is basically just dough fried to a delicious golden brown, not dissimilar to a beignet. Now you can see my confusion over being fed these little treats for breakfast!!!

They served this stuff with a tropical fruit puree that was out of this world and we would also get a fruit plate with native fruits like mango, pineapple, etc. It was awesome. I won't go into the chilaquiles now because those deserve their own post but needless to say, they were my favorite.

You Better Belize It!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Our time in the jungle was too short. If I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed at Blancaneaux one more day and shortened the stay at Turtle Inn. Not that it wasn't lovely but we really enjoyed our time amongst the creatures of the jungle. Speaking of which... there is no sleeping late at this place. We were awakened everyday by something that sounded like a cross between a hyena (only found in Asia and Africa so I'm pretty sure that's not what it was) and a screaming bird. It was a little scary.

We took two very cool trips and the night before the first one, we were eating at the Guatemalan restaurant which they seemed to have opened exclusively for us, when the concierge comes up and reminds us that tomorrow we will go to Caracol, the largest Mayan site in Belize. Looking forward to it we tell him. He gives us some details on what to wear, what we will eat, when we leave, etc. and then casually tosses in at the end that we will have an armed military escort for part of the trip. Oh I see. Of course Dana was really excited and wanted to know if he would get to carry a gun.

In 2006 Belize had some problems with "bandidos" (as our guide referred to them) crossing the border from Guatemala and shaking down tourists in the jungle. This is some dense, unpopulated area and if you get attacked, there is no where to go. Recognizing this, armed bandits would hide out along the only travel routes, stop vehicles and rob em blind. Traveling through the jungle to Caracol is pretty hectic. It's completely unpaved and the trip is about an hour.

We stopped first at the Rio Frio Caves and as we approached the entrance, we saw the armed guards. Our guide got out to talk to them and when he came back, he explained that normally they would already be down at the caves but we were the first people that day so we were going to have to give them a lift... that's when two guys in fatigues with giant rifles hopped in the van with us. Rockin!

The caves were very cool and Ramon, who would later save our lives, was extremely knowledgeable about the flora and fauna, picking up critters and pointing out flowers and making sure we didn't step in any sink holes.


When we left, the guys with guns stayed behind but at the checkpoint a military vehicle fell in line behind us for the remainder of the journey to Caracol.


Wrestle Alligators if You Want, Just Sign the Waiver First

And so I have come to believe that Belize is a country where Libertarian ideals rule. Their country motto could be - come to Belize, enjoy our culture, and don't wear helmets if you don't want to! This isn't unique to Belize. It's just the opposite of the U.S. where everything is safety ropes and warning signs. I think I only saw one sign in Belize and it said not to feed the sharks.

The Mayan site was very large, very hot and we saw lots of assorted wildlife and venomous creatures. Ramon wasn't too worried when I walked into something that made big bumps swell up on my leg, nor did he think dumping water down the holes of tarantulas to coax them out was a bad idea. It was a very cool excursion (until we almost died) and we saw a bunch of howler monkeys and one of those cool walking stick creatures which Ramon said was the largest he had ever seen.


They figure the jungles in Central America are teeming with Mayan ruins but the stuff is buried under earth and trees and would take armies of men and truckloads of cash to excavate. They also lose part of the season each year to rain and have to stop all archaeological pursuits.

Crazy Walking Stick Creature

So now we're hot. Everywhere I go, I am the sweaty American. In Asia or Central America, I look around at the locals in their fur coats and fedoras in the middle of July hardly breaking a sweat and can't figure out why all my lady-like decorum has been tossed aside as I soak my clothing with perspiration and swab salty streams from my cheeks. On the way back we stop at this lovely little spot called Rio on Pools. It's a calm swimming hole type of place with water tranquilly cascading down from above. But remember... I said it was rainy season.

All day there had been periodic showers and while we were having lunch under a canopy, there was a real downpour. When we got to the swimming area, Ramon wanted to give us some privacy so he told us to go ahead and swim and he would wait by the van - a few hundred yards up the bank. It was so nice to wash the sweat and dirt off me after tramping around the jungle all day. My ankles were cut up from little briers and my face looked like a plump, ripe cherry tomato. So in we go, wading and paddling. There's a gentle rush from the mini-waterfalls above but nothing too intense.

I should note that when we arrived at Blancaneaux, we were asked to sign a waiver. Ya know... just in case we hurt ourselves. In the U.S. they'd have you in a helmet with all kinds of harnesses strapped to stuff and ropes cordoning off the dangerous areas. Not in Belize. Nope. Just sign the waiver and you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. Anyway, we're sitting there and I notice that there is a lot of debris floating by... branches, bark, leaves... chickens, goats, small children.

By the time we realized what was happening, it was too late. Water from up on high had caused a flash flood and we were caught smack in the middle of it. The place I had been floating a minute ago had been swallowed by white, rushing water. Ramon heard it because it sounded like thunder and came running but I was panic stricken. I kept trying to crawl across this rapid to get to the other side. Logic wasn't at work. I thought if I could stay low, I wouldn't get knocked over and knocked out but ultimately, I still would have been washed away to my death.

Swim Into the Current

Dana kept telling me what I had to do but I was afraid. There were rocks everywhere and I didn't know what I would hit my limbs or head on but he was right. He's always right and it's very annoying. I needed to swim toward the rushing water. But I was a big chicken. He kept saying "you're a great swimmer, stop trying to crawl, it's just getting worse." Ramon is now on the opposite bank, holding out his hand, It probably only took 5 strokes, maybe 6. But it took a good 3 minutes for me to work up the courage. In the end I did bang up my feet and legs and had some nice bruises. I also decimated my pretty honeymoon pedicure on day 3 but at least my head was still attached to my body!

Before Shot: Floating Blissfully

After: Slight Different Vantage Point but It's Hard to Tell It's Even the Same Place

We also took a pretty memorable trip to Barton Creek Cave which is a two mile canoe excursion (the cave itself is much deeper but requires an inflatable canoe and maybe something beyond a waiver) into a very cool stalagmite-y, bat infested, old Mayan ceremonial and burial site. Our guide was awesome and after about a mile he killed the lights (car battery hooked up to some spot lights) and asked us if we wanted to hike up into the cave. We thought he was kidding.

This is pitch black, wet, and slippery. But of course we said yes. He would climb up a ways and point the light for us and then we would follow... carefully finding our footing and trying not to fall over the edge. The Mayans used to use caves for all kinds of ritual sacrifice and bloodletting and there are tons of bones and fragments of pottery in there. Our guide also took us for a drive through an Amish village. Bet you never thought they had those in Belize. Can you imagine clearing acres and acres of jungle by HAND???? I guess the Belizean government agreed to sell land to the Amish and also give them the privacy that is so hard to come by in many other cultures. Fairly easy to find privacy in a place with no electricity or paved roads. This area around Barton Creek still has dirt roads and no real infrastructure.

Also in the cave, there were venomous spiders which we learned when I spied one the size of my head (not exaggerating) and Dana came around the top to take a look and was warned (in an alarmingly casual tone) not to approach from that angle because they shoot venom... Ummm, yeah.

Ducking Under Some Stalagmites

Turtle Inn, Conch Ceviche and The Best Damn Habanero Sauce EVER

Okay, I need to wrap this up because I'm running out of steam but after spending a few memorable days at Blancaneaux, we were transported over land (about a four hour journey) to Turtle Inn. We opted to drive to Mango Creek and then take a short boat ride which I guess saves a little time. It was a really cool drive though and we got to see a lot of the country. Turtle Inn was also beautiful in a beachy, Caribbean cool kind of way. We had a giant and amazingly luxurious beachfront cabana (pictured above) and it was here that my love of a certain Belizean hot sauce was cemented.

Ode to Marie Sharpe's

I had tried this habanero sauce at Blancaneaux but it wasn't until we got to Turtle Inn that I realized how incredible it was. Marie Sharp's is a locally made pepper sauce with the best flavor I have ever encountered. I like hot but not 'distract me from the taste of my food' hot. Marie Sharp's is delicious. It's got some punch but put it on your eggs or your tacos or chili and the flavor of those dishes will still come through - they will simply be enhanced. If you're into hot sauces, you should seek it out and try it because it's quite delicious. I'm not sharing because I only have a bottle and a half left.

Snorkeling at Laughing Bird Caye

We didn't do much at Turtle Inn but lounge around, snorkle (at Laughing Bird Caye above which looked like a Corona ad), have cocktails, read books and eat food. One thing I really enjoyed was the conch ceviche. They have a whole lotta conch in Belize so this was on the menu every night and it was pretty awesome. Super fresh and delicious. Turtle Inn had the standard Italian dining option (thank you Mr. Francis) but they also had the Gauguin Grill which only did grilled seafood - spiny lobsters, some kinda fish, scallops maybe, served with traditional Belizean sides of coconut rice, black beans, etc. It was beautiful and delicious.

Chow Time at the Gauguin Grill

The other thing I grew quite fond of during our time in Belize was the rum! In particular, One Barrel Rum which is quite sweet but oh so yummy. It's got a very present molassas flavor which I like a lot. They would make a lot of crazy cocktails but I enjoyed it in a plain old cuba libre. I brought as many bottles of the stuff home as possible (that and the Marie Sharpe's) and we had to clear customs in Miami which meant all four bottles had to go into our checked luggage and onto Boston.

Rumba in the Afternoon - Plancencia Coast

We almost had a small disaster when our beautiful new Victorinox luggage came off the belt at Logan and reeked of rum. Wierdly, all four bottles were sealed but the box they were in was soaked. Nothing leaked through onto our clothes or the luggage itself. That's one for Mr. Wizard.

Wow. I had a lot to say about Belize. I guess I sort of crammed everything into one post. Plus, it's a form of escapism as I said at the beginning and no one is calling to hire me so I guess I was looking to hide out today. Belize is a beautiful country and the people there are among the most gracious I have ever encountered. Staying at a top notch resort didn't suck either... but I did have to loose a few pounds when I got back which was pretty easy once I cut out doughboys for breakfast.